Life: never what you expect

I think that part of growing up must be coming to terms with the fact that life never really turns out the way you think it will.

I can look back to so many different periods of my life, and see that my perceptions of my own future at those times were so.....unrealistic, so unlife-like. I think it`s that so many people externalise their future goals; `I`ll be living HERE, doing THIS kind of job and being THIS popular`, when in fact the things that really evolve and hold meaning in our lives are internal situations. The way we deal with ourselves, the way we treat others, the amount of effort we put into the people and situations around us. That`s where the value is.

It`s something I am still learning. Actually, I am seriously not very good at it. I think because my mother died when I was 16, that I`ve felt completely anchorless and have just drifted from one experience to another for the last 13 years. I have never really invested in anything, emotionally or otherwise. And, while it`s a perfectly fine thing to do when you are young, it doesn`t offer much return in the long run.