Norfolk Giants

Along the
road just
around the
gravel
bend

past the soft
fern
and the silver
brook

through the daisy
chain maze of
your childhood

across fields and past
the red barns
where rabbits
hide
soft eared amongst
the bails
with this seasons
warm babies

rolling over the
tops of those mountains
where
your eyes always
traveled
to the
dark caravan of
giants
walking east
their eyes eternally caught
on the line of the
distant ocean.

And,
oh,
how you longed
to join them.

Vast Waters

Warning : Boring 'someone else's dream' blabber ahead

I dreamed last night that I was out in space. And as is the way with dreams I have no idea what kind of physical body I was inhabiting, if I was inhabiting one at all. I was clearly not a human body floating in the darkness, not an astronaut nor even an alien, but more like a kind of 'me eye' - just a looking viewing consciousness which was attached to my own individuality. I was looking down on Earth. As the big old me eye sat bobbing amongst the stars it couldn't help but notice how much the Earth looked like a tiny glass ball with a living micro-dot at its center.

The atmosphere around the Earth was SO clean, so fragile and so inexplicably delicate, like the thinnest of hand blown glass. 'I' felt astounded by this, how completely exposed, alone and terribly vulnerable we are, how it is the most unique and unusual of circumstances that this tiny ball of life, like a wee frog's egg in a vast empty pond, has managed to survive for as long as it has, the right amount of distance from the sun, with the right amount of gravitational pull from the moon, with the right amount of extraordinarily thin atmosphere around its skies and body to provide life for the minute little ball of creature that lies within.

And the me eye felt a deep lonely sadness. A thought that life possibly does exist somewhere out there in the universe. But the feeling that if life does exist somewhere out there......it is surely gazillions of billions of millions of light years, down trillions of black holes for which no map will ever exist, across exploded stars and outside the shell of everything that we know, away. Because the overriding feeling 'I' experienced was of how tiny this delicate ball was, and how vastly huge and endless 'I' and space were.

I am not saying this is a new realisation. I know that millions and billions of people, time immemorial, have had these kinds of experiences. It is just that I was able to experience it fully within my dream and I woke up feeling an incredible but sad sense of awe. And a lonely vastness. No wonder I suffer from periodic bouts of existential angst!

The New Zealand Made Cyborg Named Emily

As I get more comfortable with my role as a teacher I have started to play wee trickster games with my favorite classes. Especially my younger classes who are outrageous and crazy and love to be tricked and taken on long wild walks down the garden path. I love playing with their minds because eventually when they figure it out they scream in delight and get so worked up. Its the best kind of entertainment.

One of my most recent class room pastimes was convincing my rowdy class of eight year olds that I was not, in fact, Maggie Teacher but Maggie Teachers twin sister Emily who had recently flown into Korea to help out our school. For the first few seconds they sat staring at me, all fourteen heads cocked to one side inspecting every inch of me. Then the questions started. How old are you? Why do you look exactly the same as Maggie teacher? (because Emily and I are monozygotic twins of course!) How long are you staying for? Is Maggie coming back? Where is Maggie now? Can we go and see her? Can you speak any Korean? You are not really Emily are you? You are Maggie! Aren't you? TEACHER? TEEEEAAACCCHHEEER!! And then the screams of delight and semi terror began. It was excellent. And hilarious. I love watching as belief and disbelief flutter across their faces.

In another of my best classes I convinced them that I was not a human but a New Zealand made cyborg. That New Zealand was famous for producing top of the line educational teacher-cyborgs which were then shipped all over the world, predominantly to South Korea, China and Japan. One student asked me why a cyborg would be eating popcorn (as I was at the time) to which I responded that this was not popcorn, but polystyrene which kept the small engine in my chest running at optimum capacity. Do you have a heart teacher? One student asked. Of course not! I replied! I am a cyborg!!

I have been informed in a very serious manner by one of my classes that it is imperative I go to prison very very shortly, as I am a terrible liar and they just can't handle the injustice of me making such outrageous accusations and still being free to wander the school halls.

My First Bike

Until a Christmas
when the crunchy shells
we had eaten
lay on the track
outside our front door
and the hibiscus flower
bloomed in the summer
heat
like a softened earthbound
sun and against
the trellis wall
leaned a bike
with red and white
checkers
cutting through the
bluest air with
tires that pushed
marks into the cool
red clay the
shape of diamonds
fallen from a
pocket.

Seasonal Transfusions

The moon did not enter my life in Autumn.
It was always there.
We picked blackberries
when the days were long and dry
and we too were as ripe as the black blood
which bled like real
from the small collected cells of juice.
Scrambling with skins scarred by summers hands,
bleeding just a little
the grasses and thorns
testing our sincerity,
our full blooded-ness,
taking a little back from what we took and ate
with our expectant pink mouths;
bleeding us
enriching the soil
for the next summer.

Vanishing

I’ve got my own head in my

hands

and suddenly its so heavy

it presses down through

my ageing palms

burning a hole down

towards the ground as

if it longs to be buried,

to be six feet below the surface

of this life,

sighing, whispering amongst

the feeding enzymes and

atoms of the earths body.

While my body walks around

these streets,

motioning, signing, in the language

of life and forward, linear

propulsion,

no one really notices the

empty space above my neck,

no one notices that

instead of expectant brown

eyes there is now only

the odd passing cloud or

the glassy empty blue of

atmosphere.

My body jostles,

pushing fleshy jovial

sounds of bodily existence

out into the world

convincing those

around,

that I

am still

here.

But, long ago now, my head

burned a hole

through my palms,

through the cover of my

bed, through the

grassy cover of the earth,

and now lies

whispering and sighing

waiting for someone

to hear it.

Ten Love / Hate / Wow Things About Korea

A wee list of things that I love about Korea (even the things I hate, I secretly love)

1. Plastic surgery is huge here! Before arriving in Korea I knew very little about Korean culture and had no idea how much of an image obsessed society it would be. I had no clue that people were relatively label obsessed or that they would be as 'blingy' as they are.

Plastic surgery is a booming business here and some of the most advanced techniques and innovative plastic surgeons in the world are located in Seoul. One of the first 'crazy' Konglish advertisements I saw here was a massive billboard advertising 'small face, lovely breast'. Meaning 'make your face smaller and your boobs bigger'. Koreans have insecurity issues about having big heads. I find their big heads and their insecurity about it really really cute! They all think that their noggins are massive and that to have a small face equals beauty. I often get my head compared to the size of someones fisted hand.

Eyelid surgery is extremely common and half of the women in my office have had the procedure. The eyelid it cut so that a western style fold in the lid is created. I love Korean eyes, I love the long moon like shape of them and their long black lashes. I often want to stroke peoples eyes here. Weird I know.

Because of the low Korean Won and the strong Japanese Yen it is becoming an increasinly popular weekend gettaway choice for wealthy Japanese to pop over here to A) buy some cheap Louis Vuitton and B) Get some plastic surgery done at much more affordable prices than at home.

2. It is often assumed that I like to drink simply because I am a westerner. This annoys me greatly as I am not a big drinker in any way shape or form. I get 'asked' (they are actually more statements than questions) in a mocking fashion questions such as 'you love to drink!?' and 'you love soju!' to which I answer 'no......not really', but nobody seems to hear!

The reason this frustrates me is that there is an assumption that western people are alcoholics and drink far more than Koreans but often this attitude comes from people who have no idea that all westerners are different. It also frustrates me because I have never in my life been to a country where I see so many people absolutely WASTED wandering the streets on the weekends, having public brawls with their wives or husbands and spewing on pavements or gutters. 'Kimchi Flowers' dot my walk to work every Monday morning. Kimchi flowers are the red explosion which are projectile vomited from Ajoshees (married men) after nights of having consumed far to much Kimchi (fermented cabbage) and Soju (weak vodka tasting alcohol). Beautiful.

3. Giving and receiving with two hands. Wonderful. In Korea, when you are pouring a drink, having a drink poured for you, handing money or receiving change, giving or receiving a gift, in fact in many many giving and receiving situation, you use two hands to offer what you are giving and two hands to take what you are receiving. It is SO lovely. It shows a real sign of respect to the other person and takes the time to acknowledge the fact that you are having a moment of your life with this person, that they are another living human being who deserves respect. It also seems to counter the 'take take take, now now now' aspect that is taking over more and more of our modern lives. Love it.

4. Korean babies / kids. They are gorgeous. Soooo much cuter than western babies! They have gorgeous huge heads, dark crescent moon eyes, silky black hair which is occasionally permed
( hilarious - perms on babies are another much loved thing here!) and mocha coloured skin. Do I hear a chicken coop near by?

5. Being stared at. Don't like it. When I first arrived I felt thrilled to be stared at all the time. I was on the high one gets from being in a new land and felt like an exotic foreigner for the first time in my life. I could not understand why my friends Meg and Max had developed such an angry attitude toward being stared at or hassled by members of the Korean public.

Now I understand. I do mind being stared at if the person who is staring at me is A) a really nice looking man or B) someone who is having a quick stare and is conscious of the fact that staring is rude, and so knows when to stop. When I don't like it, in fact, when I HATE it, is when the staring is shameless, ongoing and accompanied by comments such as 'HOW MUCH?' yelled across a crowded subway car by a man who has politely assumed that I am a Russian prostitute.

6. Korean food. Amazing. Delicious. Spicy. Fresh. Yummy. Many people know little about Korean food unless they have traveled here. I guess before coming I assumed that Korean food would be a lot like Chinese, greasy, deep fried, oily, heavy and so on. It is nothing like Chinese food and not really similar to Japanese either. Lots of barbecued meat wrapped in leaves with sauces. Can't explain it, but its damn fine I tells ya!

7. The necessities of life are cheap here. Renting an apartment is about 300 dollars per month, my favorite restaurant meal is five dollars, the last dress I bought was 40 dollars, taking a taxi costs about three dollars, my electricity bill is about ten dollars per month, a beer costs two dollars.........etc. As it should be.

8. Korean humour / craziness on T.V. There are many 'reality' style T.V. programs here in which famous Korean singers and actors regularly take part. All sorts of simply mad games are played which involve flinging each other into mud, throwing octopuses, being human tetris blocks through moving walls, wearing crash helmets and trying to run across waterfalls, seeing who can circle a girl around their body the most times before dropping them into the ocean of a home made raft and so on. The awesome thing is that while celebrity culture is VERY strong here, Korean celebrities do not have a problem with making fools of themselves and having a grand time while doing so. Its refreshing to see people not taking their 'cool/rich/goodlooking' selves to seriously.

9. Style! Koreans are stylie! They are willing to take risks and wear some outrageous things. Its especially wonderful to see men being daring with what they wear. Lots of bright colours, stylized mullets, skinny coloured jeans, awesome high top sneakers in various shades of ultra neon and some scarily 'plungey' necklines on mens T-shirts. New Zealand seems so conservative in comparison and it makes me realise what a macho and limited culture that still prevails. Men really embrace fashion here (well, men of a certain age.....) and its great.

10. Men are allowed to be openly and physically affectionate with each other here without being judged, while at the same time the existance of gay people is ignored or even flatly denied. This is one of the things here that I find surprising / contradictory and bizarre. It is so wonderful to be in a country where teenage boys can hold hands, old men can wandering arm in arm down the street and young boys can stroke their friends hair without being thought of as gay. Men being affectionate with other men seems as 'natural' and accepted as womens affection for one another. Yet unless you are in a very specific area of Seoul, you could imagine that Korea is completely devoid gay men or women. It not acceptable to be gay here. In any way shape or form.

Kimchi Flowers

The infamous Kimchi. The most popular Korean dish. Fermented cabbage, which, like cheese and wine is said to taste better as it matures. On first arrival I was not a fan of the spicy / sour taste of the slimy red pieces of cabbage which accompanied every single meal I ordered. But over time the much talked about addiction ensued.

Another popular Korean consumable is Soju. Just as 'Korean' in the fact that upon first meeting you feel immediatly as if you do not like it (as I have found the case to be with Busan Koreans and Kimchi) but just as 'Korean' in the same regard that given a chance it will open to you its warmth and underlying depth.

Soju is Korean alcohol made predominantly from rice but is not similar to Japanese Sake in taste at all. Rather than the soft doughy taste of Sake, Soju tastes more like weak, very bad vodka. The kind of vodka an apprentice moonshiner might make in his Mother's bathtub.

Soju and Kimchi. A lethal concoction, in so many many way. The main one being the phenomenon of the 'Kimchi Flower'. It sounds beautiful doesn't it? Can't you just imagine a field of cabbage gone to seed, bright flowers aglow and lovely old Korean men and women coaxing their oxen saddled with ancient wooden cart to plough the fields before the next moon is right for planting. However a Kimchi flower has nothing to do with seeds or earth or even flowers really. It is not born of sunlight and water but rather of Ajoshi (married men), too much soju and a belly full of Kimchi related foods.

Kimchi flowers can be seen everywhere in Busan. Kimchi flowers are vomit stains. Like fireworks, the red Kimchi has exploded onto the pavement leaving a vibrant red flower to be appreicated by the mornings commuters.

A Tiny Frog's Egg in a Big Empty Pond

There is something about being away from home that opens your mind. It isn't something that you can be noticed on a day to day level so much, although there are of course days when you are away from home when amazing or unexpected events and realisations about life occur which can change your world. But rather, for me personally, it is a slow change which I tend to notice bits at a time. It is kind of like building something, but unfolding something at the same time, it is to with becoming aware of unexpected strengths and weaknesses which pop up at unusal times and reveal complexities.

I had a really unusual wish as a child. I used to wish that someone could invent a machine. This machine would look something like the metal detector gates at the airport. I used to wish that a machine / computer existed so that a person could pass through the door and once out the other side a book would be ready and waiting, and the book would be all about the person who had just walked through the door. And just off to the side of this gate would be a bench, and you could go and sit on the bench and read all about oneself, ones talents, ones weaknesses, the kinds of troubles that one could expect in ones life due to the circumstances in which one was raised or ones left over emotional family inheritance.

I dreamed last night that I was out in space. As is the way with dreams I have no idea what kind of physical body I was inhabiting, if I was inhabiting one at all. I was clearly not a human body floating in the darkness, not an astronaut nor even an alien, but more like a kind of 'me eye' - just a looking viewing consciousness which was certainly attached to my own individuality. I was looking down on Earth. As the big old me eye sat bobbing amongst the stars it couldn't help but notice how much the Earth looked like a tiny glass ball with a fluffy earthy centre.

The atmosphere around the Earth was SO clean, so glass like and so so inexplicably delicate, like the thinnest of hand blown glass. 'I' felt astounded by this, how, completely exposed, alone and terribly vulnerable we are, how it is the most unique and unusal of circumstances that this tiny we ball of life, like a wee frog in an egg, has managed to survive for as long as it has, the right amount of distance from the sun, with the right amount of gravitational pull from the moon, with the right amount of extraordinarily thin atmosphere around its skies and earth to provide life for the minute little creature that lies within.

Even though I am someone who believes that life in other parts of the Universe is highly likely, I 'realised' in this dream how very rare this occurrence of life in space must be and that if there is another planet inhabited by life somewhere out there, then it must be gazillions of light years and billions of dimensions away. Never to be found.

I don't write about this dream to say that I had any kind of realisation about the state of life that is 'new', only to say that upon waking I realised how limited our time is, here on Earth, and as a consequence how limited my time with my Father really truly is. One day he will die and I will not have him any more. He will be gone from my world. And I will have only memories of him to remind me of how it felt to be in his presence. And one day, in what feels like a long long time from now, but really is not, I will die too and my children will not know how to hold those feelings of my Father close to them any longer.

This little dream, of a delicate little frogs egg floating in the most vast of ponds made me realise that while being away from home and traveling really is necessary for me right now, my family, my whanau are the most important thing to me in this world, in this life, and that it is through them that I truely know myself.

Being Away From Home

Being away from the place that you were born is an amazing experience. Being an English language teacher to a bunch of elementary school students here in Korea, I have recently learned the ins and outs of the word 'amaze'. A word I usually only use to describe things which have wowed me or touched my heart in a very happy or exciting way. But to be amazed is also to be affected with wonder and astonishment. To be astonished does not only mean to be happily impressed but also to feel as if the apparition of a huge question mark had smacked you directly in the head.